I drove to the plastic surgeons office to get marked for placement of the expanders and placement of the incisions. Then I arrive at the hospital at the beginning of my very long journey. I'm wearing my pink cheetah hoodie, my black and pink metallic zebra pants, and my all pink sequin uggs. The nurses told me no make up, but those that know me well knew I wouldn't dare walk out without mascara!
They take me to a room with my mom and I change into the hospital gown. They let me keep on my neon green and hot pink cheetah socks. I knew I still had to be fashionable, even in surgery. ;)
They wheel me to a room and a doctor and nurse come in to inject me with the blue dye that week flow from the tumor site to my lymph nodes. It's two injections, with a strong sharp burning sensation just underneath the skin for about twenty seconds each. They close up my gown and send me to the surgery waiting room. My mom, dad, brother, grandma and grandpa all sit in the room with me for an hour, while this blue dye is working it's way through my lymphatic system. Fifteen minutes before my surgery time, the anesthesiologist comes in to start my iv. One dose of versed and I was out. I remember my family saying goodbye when they wheeled me out. I remember the operatory they wheeled me in to, and the faces of the two nurses. I remember them putting my cover over my hair, and thats the last I remember.
Next thing I remember vaguely is waking up in recovery for a brief moment. Then I remember waking up in my room in the womens pavilion with my family there. I remember a lot of talking, but I thought I was dreaming. I was in and out of consciousness while conversing, but apparently I made a few jokes that were pretty funny. Glad to hear I'm funny even when I'm sleeping. ;)
I will never forget the feeling the next time I woke up. I opened my eyes and thought I had been dreaming. I felt like I was laying in the middle of the road and a car had just run over me, leaving me paralyzed. It felt as though every rib was shattered, every muscle torn and all my skin was burned. My chest felt crushed and I could barely breathe. Then I remembered what happened to me. I moaned for pain medication and help moving. My family reassured me everything was okay, as I allowed myself to once again, fall asleep.
Through out the night, I woke up every hour in extreme pain. The nurses asked what my pain was on a scale of one to ten, I always yelped a ten. They doubled my dose of morphine and yet my pain felt exactly the same each time I woke up, as if my chest as had been crushed by a vice. All night long nurses came in every hour.
Between vitals, medicine every hour, extreme itching from the pain meds, they needed me to get up and pee. It was 3 am, and I hadn't gotten out of bed yet. Two nurses came in and used the mattress pad behind my back to scoop me in like a burrito. I couldn't lift my arms up, so they rolled me to my side and helped me sit upward. My whole body felt like a thousand burning needles, as I tried to sit and gain my consciousness. The room was spinning and my body felt as heavy as metal. They picked me up and had me stand so I wouldn't fall.
We took mini steps to the toilet. I attempted to reach down and pull down my panties, but my hands could barely move. The nurses each took a side and helped pull them down. I got myself to sit and cried in sick at how bad each muscle felt on the way down. I didn't have any feeling of needing to go, and I tried to push and pee. It trickled out and it took me almost ten minutes to pee because I had no control over my muscles! The ladies helped me wipe, pull up my underwear, and walked me to the sink to wash my hands. I was a toddler all over again, unable to function like an adult.
Then since I was up, they weighed me. I had gained ten POUNDS of fluid from surgery. I looked down sand my body looked so distorted. My head was pounding and my chest burning, I begged to get back in bed. They assisted me into bed, every moment excruciating. I felt like every little tendon and muscle was tearing with every movement.
Back to sleep I went, being women up each hour for blood pressure, oxygen saturation levels, temperature, pain medicine, anti histamine, and antibiotics. I had to breathe in a tube every hour to help prevent pneumonia as well as force myself to cough. My great friend Shelly was working art the hospital as a nurse in labor and delivery. She made a stop to my room and I talked her ears off about how everything felt and how I could have never anticipated this kind of pain in my entire life. She told me I looked great (liar) and made me laugh for the next thirty minutes. It was the first visit I remember clearly, and I felt so special and loved. She told me I better take it easy, and continued through the night with her shift.
The next day my family visited once again. Shelly also visited right after her shift in the morning. Then my plastic surgeon came and asked how I had been feeling. He checked the surgery sites and said they looked great, but even him moving the tape was the worst pain I've ever felt. He asked if I had gotten up out of bed, and I told him only to pee. He urged me to get up and walk, to take the gravity off of my chest and get movement and blood flowing.
The nurse came in and helped me sit up. I then stood and had to catch my balance. We then took mini steps into the hallway, and she had to keep reminding me to breathe and look straight. Looking up, down, or side to side made me dizzy. After a minute or two, I requested to go back in the room. Even in all of that pain, I knew I needed to sit up and let my blood flow. I ordered lunch and ate it at the chair in the company of my family.
Then ten minutes later I requested the nurse again. I told her I wanted to walk more. She held my hand in hers and dragged my iv next to us.we walked to the end of the hall and back, and I had started to feel more like myself again. We came to the room and sat again, chatting with everyone there. Thirty minutes later, I wanted to take another walk. My friends, boss and ain't had stopped by and I knew I needed to keep pushing through the pain.
Natalie, jenny, michelle, katie and I all took a walk around the entire floor. They took turns pushing my iv cart for me and we joked about how much cuter we were than the sex and the city girls...but the hospital version. They mentioned how fabulous I looked and how great I was doing. We even had a mini pow wow girl session. Katie, Amy, Natalie and I talked boobs, make up, weddings and gossip. I felt like the luckiest girl in the world.
I received flowers in bright pinks, a tummy cookie bouquet, cards and zebra striped gift bags. I got pink glitter slippers, zebra striped slippers, make up and magazines. There was food and chocolate, and breast cancer awareness gifts. I felt incredibly loved and supported, and I knew I was on the road to a positive recovery.
My breast surgeon came in to talk to me. She looked at my breasts and said surgery went well. I'd follow up with her in a week as well as with my plastic surgeon. They were worried about the left nipple and if it would survive the surgery, being that the tumor was near it. The incision extended underneath it, and each time they checked they saw blood flow to the area. Things were looking up.
The following day was discharge. The medicine had been switched to percocet tablets, and my pain level was managing to stay at a five. Two tubes on each side under my arms, were drains that collected fluid and blood from the incision sites. These had to be emptied and measured twice a day. I had to demonstrate squeezing the long tubes to drain the blood, opening the bulb which resembled a grenade, and pouring it into a measuring cup. Gross.
The nurse came in and helped me wash up. I sat in a chair as she washed my hair in the sink. Unable to lift my arms took away a lot of my basic functioning. I leaned my head down as she washed my hair and towel dried it. Then she grabbed a washcloth and washed me down. Showers are not allowed for two weeks. Back to being a toddler again. Help getting stressed, help brushing my hair. Even (gulp) help with my make up! Both surgeons came to check me once more as I got ready to go see my son that had just undergone palate surgery.
The wheelchair assisted me down to the car as my dad helped me get in. Evey crack in the road, every sharp turn was like a dagger to my chest. I held my breath looking at the road before me and all the turmoil my body would feel as we drove over the beaten up roads.
We arrived at Childrens Hospital, and my dad got a wheelchair to bring me up. We get to a Colton's room and the second I come in, his eyes light up. Hes laying on his bed, connected to his iv and he tries to to it out and run to me. I sit in the wheelchair and wait for him to calm down but get up as fast as I can to sure by his side. He reaches his arms up for a hug and says, "Momma!" I can't hug back, so I put my arm around him and climb into bed. Me and my lil boy, healing together. I was so incredibly proud. I stay in bed with him and tickle his skin, as he lays and plays with his leap pad. Spit is collecting in his mouth and he won't swallow because the back of his mouth hurts too bad. The nurse gives him some pain reliever in his iv and states he can go home when he can eat liquids by himself. Even drinking water was out of the question for him at this point.
Colton says he wants to take a walk and we get up to see the play room. I notice my arms are swelling with red bumps, and my face felt like it had a ton of fluid all over. I realized as I looked all over, I was covered with extra fluid and an extreme itching and burning sensation. My dad goes running to the pharmacy to see if it's open, as I'm scratching my face, my puffy eyes, my swollen stomach and my red hot arms. He comes back to say it's closed and goes to walgreens. He returns, I am saved and we go home! Now time for home.
