My first post...

I shall start my first blog with this in mind. Shitty things happen, and there is plenty of time to wallow in your sorrow, but also plenty of time to start really living. 

A lot of my life I spent focused on other people. This isn't necessarily a bad thing, but life is all about perspective. Most of my friends and family can account for me when I say that I'm the person everyone runs to for advice. I'm used to being the person to make people laugh, consider a different perspective, or just as easily look in the mirror. I'm a walking book of quotes and beliefs, a body composed of everyone I've ever known. I'm proud to say I have an open mind and a kind heart, and always consider someone's view, depending on their timing ;0.) 

It is hard to be the person that needs someone to lean on. I don't feel comfortable admitting defeat or asking for help. I've been proud to take care of two children, two dogs, a fish, a sugar glider, and all of my many friends who call daily for advice. I never say no to being there for someone, and give my all to my friendships and those I love. The Marine Corps has taught me that I need to be strong when all others are weak. It's taught me to think clearly in times of distress.

 I find so many of my attributes relating to my time in the military. So it only makes sense that in a time when I find out I have breast cancer, I feel incredibly stupid and humiliated telling people. I know four hundred million, thousand, trillion people fight this and deal with this. I also know I've overcome anything I have faced. A strange sense of "tell me your problems again so I can fix them for you" is shouting from deep inside of me. I want anything to be the person that people call on for help and not be their worry. 

I found out two days ago about a lump I've had for ten months. I beat myself up for waiting for so long, and worry about the results next week on how far it's spread. I know my children need me. Giving up is not an option. I am their warrior, their sole spokesperson. I am the main person who will fight for them when they can't. I NEED to be here. For them. 

With this quote in mind, I must remember to not wallow in pity. I must remember I have to take care of myself before I can take care of others. And I have to remind myself each minute I get is a gift and to cherish it. These little people have my whole heart and deserve the strongest and happiest version of me that I can give. :)