Lump check please!

Last night was my first night out knowing I had breast cancer. I drove to my cousin's house in terror that I would not be able to keep it together all night, wondering if I could be strong enough to leave the focus on my Aunt. My Aunt who had her bachelorette party that night and who deserved the focus. 

We took a bus ride to Milwaukee. 30 girls, alcohol, and a Bride to be, all happy and eager to go out dancing and live carefree. Deep inside I felt like a walking infection, like I should stay away from people who are normal. But the company of my cousins and aunts quickly re-routed my thinking.

By the time we got to the Drag show, I had already had a half a bottle of wine. (What kind you ask? MOSCATO! The BEST kind ever!) My family had given me a hug and made me laugh by distracting my attention all night. I hadn't had to tell my story or talk about it yet.

We sit down at the first table and the subject comes up. I have cancer. There. I said it. I admitted it. But strangely no one got up and ran away. Did I expect that would really happen? My cousins started to ask me how I found out. They asked me how I knew it was something abnormal because breast tissue is naturally lumpy anyway. This is when the night got interesting!

I reached over to my cousin and put my hand down her shirt. Right there. In public. At a drag show. I felt both sides for lumps to see if anything felt abnormal. It then followed with everyone asking if I would check them. It made light of an awful situation, and I was glad to turn my lesson into something positive. I reached across the table down another shirt. Feeling around for any lumps or bumps that stood out to me. As silly as we were all being, I was concentrating. These were all lives, not people. It dawned on me how important commercials and ads were on making sure you KNEW what you were looking for. Here is a picture of us:

My friend asked me when I started this blog how I knew to get a lump checked out. I didn't. I found a lump in my left breast ten months ago. I freaked out and called the ER on a Saturday because I thought it was urgent. I talked to a nurse who calmed me down and asked me my symptoms. I told her it hurt, that it was movable, and got bigger when I had my period. She asked me if I drank caffeine and I had drank about 15 oz that day. She assured me it sounded exactly like a hormonal cyst and to follow up with my physician. I made an appointment to see him (who is VERY comprehensive and anal about everything) and he recommended I get a mammogram and ultrasound. I waited for the "referral department" to get back to me. When she called me back, the lump had gone down and not hurt anymore. It had been a week and I had already tricked myself into believing it was a cyst.

The lump would flare up every month. One time it got so big, my breast was noticeably bigger than the other. But it always hurt during my period or if I had a lot of caffeine. These are classic symptoms of a cyst.

Then one day I was writing down all of the things I had put on the back burner and ignored. This was one of them. I thought of my Aunt, my Grandma and my other Aunt and made the appointment. I realized that I still had this lump this long and it hadn't gone away, so I should at least have it looked at. I scheduled my Mammo and Ultrasound. The Mammo looked normal and the Ultrasound showed it wasn't a cyst. The referred me to a surgeon and it went from there.

I met with the surgeon who said since it was bigger than 1 cm, and I should have it taken out. We scheduled my surgery for December 10th. I wanted local anesthesia so I could be awake and see the "cyst." 

If you have a weak stomach, stop here. But this is a very important photo to me. After my surgery, I took this picture. I had no idea what it would mean to me at the time. I've titled it "Cancer in a Cup." Proof of what I was really dealing with.

So you want to know how I knew? I didn't. I tricked myself into believing it was fine. I don't want the same for anyone else. If there is anything positive from this, it would be that I could teach you something. 

My breast felt like it had a lymph node in it. Don't know what a lymph node is? Place your hand under your jaw and feel for a hard bump on each side. It should feel like a large marble, and these get swollen when there is infection. My lump was hard, movable and painful. But not all lumps are the same.

Your breast tissue should feel fatty. And lumpy at times. But you shouldn't feel a well defined border of something that doesn't feel like it's connected to the rest of your tissue. And if you EVER question whether your breast tissue is normal (it changes all the time) ask your doctor. If you don't get an annual physical, you probably at least get an annual pap. The Dr. checks your breasts for lumps and if you noticed a weird spot, mention it. The person who found mine was a physician's assistant. He is no specialist by any means, and he sees my little kids. I COULD have been embarrassed to ask, but he made me realize that if he questioned it, I probably should have. Right away. 

Check out this link: http://breastcancer.about.com/od/risk/a/lump_overview.htm

Go to the bathroom with your phone or sit at your computer. Take your hand, flat, and feel for any abnormal areas. Even if every commercial you've ever seen or ridiculously cheesy ad made you laugh, please don't take this lightly. I have emails and messages POURING in about what you can do for me. THIS is what you can do for me. RIGHT NOW. No more putting it off. No more wondering.